


Free Dolls

by Miss_Vanderwaal



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, Post 6x01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-04-18 09:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4701425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Vanderwaal/pseuds/Miss_Vanderwaal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I cried for real at your symbolic funeral, you know? I really thought you were gone and… God, when I got here and found you safe and sound, under the circumstances, I… I don’t think I’ve ever been that happy".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to give Hanna and Mona the reunion that the show didn't care enough to give them.

   The smell of smoke was unbearable. I was almost fainting when Spencer gave the final push – however, the door was unlocked from outside. The wave of fresh air that hit me and entered my nostrils was like a blessing of God. It was like I was feeling the environment around me for the very first time. The trees, the wind, the sky. It was all very different from the several times Charles used to lock us out there without food or water. And the difference was that now we were free.

   My vision wasn’t at its best days. I had to blink a couple of times to adjust it to the natural light of the warm night. My hearing was great, though. All I could hear in my first few seconds of freedom was eager steps and crying. A lot of crying. And then gasps of relief. It was definitely the best sound I heard in a long while.

   Aria was the first one that ran to the arms of her loved one, Ezra.

\- I thought I’d lost you! – the young man said, lifting his girl up.

   At my right, Alison ran to hold Emily.

\- I have never been so happy to see someone in my entire life – the former swimmer whispered at the blonde’s ear.

\- I’m never leaving you again – Alison responded.

   At my left, Caleb grabbed Hanna.

\- Don’t ever let me go – she said, in a whiny voice tone.

\- Never – he assured her, and then they kissed.

   I did my best not to stare at those private moments. I was trying not to think about the fact that I didn’t have a loved one waiting for me outside when I felt a pair of warm arms around me. It was like having a fuzzy blanket covering me up on a cold night of winter. It was Spencer. Toby wasn’t in sight so I was basically just the one that was left to hug. But I frankly could not care less about it. I held Spencer tightly, and she did the same to me. For a second I allowed myself to think we were actually best friends. It felt good. Really good. Too good to be true, and before I knew it I was bursting into sobs.

   I never had it. A best friend. Someone I could actually rely on. Well, not since Hanna, and it felt like eons since she looked at me like her best friend for the last time. I missed having someone in my life besides my mom. I missed Hanna. I missed… being loved. I guess Hanna was the only person that ever loved me besides my mom and… why did I have to ruin it? The thought made me cry even louder.

\- Shhh, Mona – Spencer whispered softly at my ear – It’s okay, it’s all gonna be okay.

   I held the back of Spencer’s checkered sweater – the one that Charles made her wear as part of the reconstruction of “that night”.

\- I promise you, Mona – she parted the hug, trying to look into my eyes as if she was talking to a scared child – We are all gonna be safe. They’re gonna get Charles. Then there will be no more A. Ever. Do you hear me?

   I nodded.

\- Thank you – I said, not just because she was being nice to me at the moment, but also because she and all of the girls helped me get out of the hole earlier.

   Spencer nodded as well, caressing the left side of my face and smiling sweetly. That was the moment Alison approached us. She was with Emily right beside her and had a grateful smile on her face. I tried to give her back the gesture but before I could do anything, she put her arms around me.

   If it was unexpected? Well, yes and no. To be honest, I knew since a pretty long time Alison and I were in the same place: trying to stay alive and away from Charles. I did not see her as the enemy anymore – my enemy – since the day I started planning my revenge on Charles, that unfortunately could not have been more useless. And feeling the kindness that emanated from her at that moment, made me think of absolutely nothing from our troubled past.

   Alison parted the hug and the same smile remained with her. I guess she just felt that the moment didn’t require any words. She was right. Spencer was also embraced by her, but right after, the brunette caught the sight of Toby in his cop uniform, with a flashlight and a gun in his hands, pointing both to the scene. He let the objects fall to the ground at the very moment he saw Spencer, who had now an adorable full smile on her lips. She gazed quickly at the three of us, as if she was waiting for some sort of permission from us to go and tightly hug her boyfriend. I smiled along with the two girls beside me and Spencer fell into Toby’s arms. It was beautiful.

   The next few minutes were a blank to me. I just remember sitting on the floor of the back of an ambulance with my legs dangling, almost reaching the ground. A paramedic was moving a small flashlight from left to right in front of my eyes.

\- Are you sure you don’t need a stretcher, sweetie? – the woman asked, loud and calmly.

\- I’m okay – I said vaguely – I’m just thirsty.

   The woman smiled and friendly touched my shoulder, asking me to wait a second. She got back with a bottle of water and handed it to me. I eagerly drank a couple of sips before saying thank you. She said in a few minutes they were going to take us to the hospital. There were three more ambulances there. They were taking care of Aria and Spencer next to one of them.

   I was just realizing now how much my throat hurt from screaming. It was burning, actually, and dry as it never was before. The lid of the bottle fell on the ground and I just kept looking at it, feeling incapable of moving a single muscle to lift it up again. But someone did. It was Hanna. I was keeping my head down so I didn’t see her until she put a lock of the blonde wig I was still wearing behind my ear. Even though she was hurt, dirty and unbelievably tired, as all of us, Hanna looked sweet as always.

\- How are you, Mona? – she asked in a relaxing voice tone.

   I looked up at her.

\- I guess I’m just like you are.

\- That was a dumb question, huh? – she laughed coyly.

   I tried to do the same but did not succeed. Instead, my eyes started getting watery.

\- They’ve already warned my mom I’m alive – I said – She must be heading to the hospital right now to wait for me.

\- Wow… – she smiled – that’s great!

\- Yeah… - I felt the first warm tear dropping – great.

\- Oh, Mona… - Hanna sat next to me – what is it?

   I sniffed.

\- I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to forgive myself… for everything I put her through with this “fake death”.

\- Sweetie, you were trying to do a good thing – she put one arm around me.

\- Yeah, and a very stupid one, too. I mean, what was I thinking? Standing in the way of A?

\- Shhh – she rested my head on her left shoulder – Don’t think about it anymore, please. There’re gonna get him, and then this nightmare will be over. For good.

   I didn’t reply and Hanna filled the silence.

\- I really meant it back there. I am thrilled that you’re alive.

   I felt the blood heating up inside my veins. My heart was beating fast, out of excitement, something that I had spent months without experiencing. I reached for Hanna’s right hand with my left one thinking she would immediately move it away, but she didn’t. 

\- Does this mean we can go back to being friends? – I ventured asking, thinking she would take long to respond with a “let’s give it some time”.

\- Yes – she simply said, and I could tell by the sound of her voice she was smiling.

   I felt my eyes getting watery again, but this time out of nothing else but joy. It was just too good to be true, just like when Spencer hugged me, only multiplied by a hundred.

\- You have no idea how much this means to me – I said, my voice faltering.

\- I do – she moved away a little so she could face me –, that’s why I’m saying yes.

   I frowned and she continued, still smiling.

\- Remember the time you found out I was pretending to be your friend again just to get the freaking chip you had from Wilden’s computer? You said “I really loved you once and I really was your friend”. Well, it took me long to start believing in you again, but I finally did. I cried for real at your symbolic funeral, you know? I really thought you were gone and… God, when I got here and found you safe and sound, under the circumstances, I… I don’t think I’ve ever been that happy. And then we saw you trapped in that hole… it just made me realize how terrified I am of losing you once and for all.

   By the time she finished it, I wasn’t able to see a hand in front of my face giving just how compromised my vision was because of the tears. It wasn’t my intention to brag, but it sounded like… a love declaration. And to me it was like reliving seventh grade all over again. The major crush I had on the blonde beside me… a feeling that just kinda got suppressed over the years we had spent as best friends. The feeling that was making my heart beat as if I just had won the lottery.

\- I really love you, Hanna – I felt the need to say it out loud, even though I knew she would never understand how much – Present tense.

\- I know – she brought my head back to her shoulder and kissed my forehead – I love you, too.

   We spent the next few seconds in silence, just holding one another.

\- Would you do me a favor, then? – I asked weakly, still overwhelmed by that immeasurable sensation of happiness.

\- What is it?

\- Would you go to the hospital in the same ambulance as me?

   Hanna gazed quickly at Caleb, who was talking to some of the cops a few feet away from us.

\- Of course – she smiled.

   The same paramedic that had helped me a couple of minutes earlier, helped Hanna and I to get settled onto the narrow seats inside the van, since neither one of us needed the stretcher, that occupied most of the space. We started moving along the dirt road amid the woods as the hunt for Charles DiLaurentis continued at the dollhouse behind us.

   Silence lingered around us until Hanna decided to sit on the stretcher, facing me, which I very much approved. She casually took both of my hands.

\- I’m really glad you’re here – I said, now looking deep into her light blue eyes.

\- I’m really glad _we_ are here.

   _Damn it, girl,_ I thought to myself, _don’t you know what you’re doing to me?_ I guess she didn’t. But God! The only thing I wanted to say was _would you please just kiss me?_

\- Think about it – she said in a kind of cheerful voice, in response to my silence – We’ll soon get to the hospital and they will finally get that hideous blonde wig off your head.

   Her comment made my laugh.

\- No offense, Mona – she continued –, but you should never be a blonde, ever.

   I burst into giggles. It was like someone was tickling my stomach from inside. It was the best feeling ever!

\- I agree – I said, gasping for breath – Jesus, Hanna, how miserable must be the life of someone without you and your sense of humor around?

\- Well, consider yourself lucky because you don’t have to think about that anymore – she smirked playfully at me.

\- And thank heavens I don’t – I said in a more serious voice tone, venturing myself to kiss the knuckles of her left hand.

\- What’s wrong? – she asked me softly after a while, looking deep into my eyes this time.

   I took a deep breath.

\- I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while now and I… I don’t… know if I can face Rosewood High once again. You know? Being “the girl who died and now is alive”. I remember how people used to look at Alison when she came back. I don’t know if I can take it. But also… it’s not just that.

\- Then what is it? - she seemed concerned now.

\- I mean, we’ve missed so many days of school. Me, mostly. And… I don't know, but I really like the idea of starting senior year over, on another school, maybe in Philadelphia or even New York. All I know is that I’m sick of Rosewood. All I wanna do is get the hell out of this hole and not come back ever again – I wiped a tear that was dangling from my chin – A is gonna go back to being just the first letter of the alphabet to me.

\- Okay… - she whispered – Sounds like a hell of a good plan.

\- I know – I sighed – And I also know my mom would agree with me in no time if I asked her for us to move. The only thing that’s worrying me is… you. Would you come and visit me if I moved to New York, for example?

\- Out of Rosewood forever? – she asked curiously.

   I nodded apprehensively, waiting for her response.

\- Come and visit you? In New York? Girl, who the hell said I may not be your travel buddy?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :3
> 
> So, I decided to give this a couple more chapters because I think even the show asked for a more elaborate hospital scene at 6x02. And I was genuinely pissed off when they didn't show Mona in the episode. Like, seriously? 
> 
> * The second and third chapters will be in Hanna's point of view.
> 
> * In this fic, Sara Harvey isn't real, because, let's face it: she's useless and she had been since day one.

\- I know this is probably a very stupid thing to ask… – Caleb said very smoothly. He was seated on the edge of my hospital bed, facing me. – but what are you thinking about?

   I sighed, looking now inside of his kind brown eyes.

\- Thinking isn’t the word, I guess. I’m actually daydreaming of a very, very, _very_ long warm shower. Or maybe a bubble bath. Anything in that zone, to be honest.

   A nurse had helped me clean up with wet towels and glycerin soap earlier and that hadn’t been anywhere near perfection. At any other time in my life, it would have been humiliating, actually, but I was simply too tired to care. To make matters worse, a headache was bugging me ever since I had almost twisted an ankle while getting out of the ambulance with Mona. My back hurt as well and my throat was a bit sore from all the screaming.

  The best part had been the food, though, for sure. I honestly had never felt so happy while eating unsalted hospital food and drinking pineapple juice that had been especially made for diabetic people.

   Caleb’s lips curved into a sweet smile.

\- You will have it all as soon as we get out of here. – he caressed my left cheek – I’m pretty sure your mom will let you burst the water bill. And after you do it at your house, you can come to my place and burst mine, I promise.

   I laughed slightly and ran the fingers of my right hand through the hair on the low part of his head.

\- You know you are the most wonderful man to me, don’t you?

His smile widened.

\- Well, right back at you. Except for the man part.

   I laughed once more as he reached for the right side of my waist with one hand. I pursed my lips at the soft touch.

\- You have just no idea how much I missed this. – I ran a hand along his right arm – Being touched, held close, kissed. I really thought I would never get to feel that again.

   As the tears were already burning inside my eyes, Caleb quickly pulled me up to his embrace. I could tell he was trying not to cry as well because his chest felt shivery against mine. I simply closed my eyes and focused on how tight he was holding me. It honestly felt like heaven.

   I had always heard of people who got cold and distant after going through a traumatic situation, like rape, for instance. Not me; I, from now on, would do anything to feel a warm, kind and receptive body next to me; because warmness, kindness and receptiveness was all I didn’t get while under Charles’s care.

\- You will never, ever, have to worry about missing any of those things anymore while I’m around, do you hear me? – Caleb asked in a faltering voice, still holding me like his life depended on it.

\- Yeah. I love you so much.

\- I love you – he kissed my right shoulder before going up to my lips and lying me on my back again.

\- Have you seen the others yet? – I asked once we both had our eyes dry again.

\- Yeah, I just went to give a quick check on Aria and Spencer. They’re sharing a room and they’re… fine, under the circumstances. I haven’t seen Emily but I’m pretty sure Alison hasn’t left her side.

   I sighed, highly relieved, but then my heart clenched as the image of a particular brunette – that perhaps was all alone – entered my mind.

\- And Mona? I didn’t see where they took her to.

\- She’s in a room down the hall. I don’t know but I think she’s still with her mom.

   _Thank God!_ , I thought to myself, grabbing the cotton hospital gown at chest height. Suddenly, I felt my heart clenching again, but this time giving an increasing urge of seeing Mona.

\- I wish I could check on her too, but the crying session between her and her mom might still be going, right?

   Caleb laughed softly. I had my own fair share of crying when my mom came to find me after the nurse was finish with me. She was probably in the waiting room now with the other girls’ moms. Caleb had to practically beg for a moment alone with me.

\- Can you blame them? Sure, Mona was a lot of things but no one deserves what you girls have gone through. I mean, when you told me about Mona’s plan, I thought that she had really lost it. Like, throwing Alison in jail because of a murder that wasn’t real? Letting your friends and family think you’re dead? But in the end of the day she was trying to give A a headlock, wasn’t she? It was pretty astute of her and I’d say if you’re trying to get redemption, that’s the way to do it. But unfortunately…

\- Unfortunately it all went down hill, yeah. – I cut him off – Can we please not talk about it? It just hurts way too much.

\- I know. I’m sorry.

   I ran a hand along my forehead.

\- I just don’t wanna think he’s still out there. I feel sort of safe here now, but I know it’s just a catch, like in horror movies. It’s only a matter of time before we hear the chainsaw again.

   Caleb shook his head, cupping the left side of my face.

\- Not this time, baby. Charles is under police radar. They’re gonna get him and shoot the living crap out of him. And if they don’t do it then I will.

\- Don’t you dare – I grabbed his left wrist forcefully.

\- I would, you know? I could kill him with my bare hands, and even if I failed, there is nothing that he could possibly do to me that’s worse than having to sit around doing nothing for weeks except praying for you to be alive.

\- Oh, there is. – I smiled ironically, feeling my eyes getting watery again – Try choosing between your three best friends only one to get food and water in a certain day. It kills you. The memories are still killing me.

   My response seemed to leave him speechless.

\- So don’t you try and be the super boyfriend. – I continued in a sort of bitter voice tone – But in case you do, just remember what that soulless creature did to Mona when she tried to stand in his way. He drugged her and shoved her into the trunk of a car. And take this as a reminder as well: I just don’t feel like having to attend another symbolic funeral for someone I love.

   Now Caleb seemed genuinely embarrassed.

\- Promise me you won’t do anything stupid – I demanded.

\- Promised – he looked up at me.

\- Great – I stood up in a fast move, a lot faster than the limit for someone in my current condition.

\- Where are you going?

   I picked up the light blue robe that the nurse had left for me at the end of the bed and had a bit of trouble putting it on. My arms were sore as well, as if I had spent two hours straight at the gym.

\- I have to see Mona.


	3. Chapter 3

   The door to the last room of the long hallway was slightly open so I slowly let myself in without knocking. Mona didn’t see me come in and neither did her mom, who was standing by the bedside holding her hand. There was a nurse sitting on a stool right across from Leona Vanderwaal. She had surgical gloves on, a large piece of cotton in one hand and a pair of tweezers in the other. It seemed like she was cleaning up a bruise on Mona’s forehead but I soon realized that wasn’t the case.

   The young brunette moaned in pain and shut her eyes closed.

\- It’s almost over, honey – the nurse said as she pressed the piece of cotton against Mona’s left temple.

   The blonde wig was finally off the girl’s head and she let out another agonizing moan that broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I could almost feel the glue that was sticking to Mona’s brown hair strands as if it was sticking to my own hair. Lastly, the nurse pulled the wig cap off Mona’s head, and I could see that she had a crown braid and bobby pins held the couple of slim braids up in place.

\- Alright, I cannot say that was easy, but we did it – the nurse cheerfully stated and petted the brunette’s shoulder as if saying Mona was a good girl.

\- Hanna! – Leona saw me first and gave me a welcoming smile.

   Mona followed her mother’s gaze and smiled at me as well, as if she was surprised to see me. For a moment I didn’t know what to say.

\- Well, I guess I’m gonna throw this thing away – the nurse filled the silence again, standing up with the blonde wig in one hand and picking up a metal bowl that was probably half filled with hot water before leaving the room.

As the door closed softly behind me, I suddenly felt like going towards Leona first.

\- I’m so happy to see you guys – I said without thinking too much while I held the older woman.

\- And I’m happy to see those red cheeks of yours again – Leona cupped one side of my face as if Mona and I had never stopped being best friends. Words would not ever be able to describe how good that normality made me feel.

\- What are you doing here, Han? – Mona inquired softly – Not that I’m not happy to see you, but, you know…

   I felt my heart warming up after hearing Mona calling me by my nickname and seated myself on the edge of her bed, close to where Leona was.

\- Oh, I just felt like paying a visit – I responded in the more casual way possible.

\- Well, I’ll leave you girls to it. – Leona touched my shoulder after giving Mona a peck on the forehead – Call me if you need anything, okay, baby?

\- Yeah – Mona nodded and again the door closed softly behind me.

   We spent the next few seconds just looking at each other; Mona kept breaking eye contact once in a while but an adorable half grin lingered on her face. I could tell she was blushing.

   Out of all of us, she was the one that had been trapped in the dollhouse for longer and now I was starting to think that the way she had been taken away had been way worse. Leona had to arrange a whole funeral just to try and get some sort of closer. Death had been the perfect excuse, apparently, and Charles could’ve kept her locked up and having to speak in a falsetto tone forever. But he didn’t. We all had escaped and there she was, her features sweet as if she didn’t have a single motive to be stressed at all.

\- I missed looking at your alive brown-haired self, you know? – I said, reaching for one of her hands.

   Mona took a deep breath, looking up at me and allowing me to delicately tangle up our fingers.

\- I missed looking at you, too. And the fact that I’m actually hearing you say something like that, is completely overwhelming. Really, it’s infinitely more than I could ever ask for.

   Her voice was calm and sober, as if she had nothing else to hide.

\- Why is that? – I knew the answer, of course, but that soft voice had an amazing calming effect over me and I wanted to just keep listening to it.

   Mona shrugged.

\- You have every reason to hate me. I used my alone time in the dollhouse to prepare myself for the worst, which I considered being you not wanting to look me in the eye ever again. Because, after all, faking my own murder and pinning it on someone else _was_ the biggest, fattest, most disgusting lie I’ve ever told.

   I squeezed her hand.

\- It’s like I told you, Mona, you…

\- Shh, please, let me finish. – she whispered, using her two hands now to grab my own – Do you remember that hug you gave me on your first night there? I was explaining to you girls how the thing with the main generator worked.

   I nodded and smiled, noticing now that her eyes were getting watery.

\- You hugged me and you said “God, I’m so happy that you’re okay” – she reminded me.

\- I meant it. Every letter of every word.

   Mona covered her lips with the back of her right hand for a second. Tears were running down her cheeks now.

\- You have just no idea how much that hug and those words meant to me.

   I got a little closer to her, still smiling.

\- Tell me, then.

   Mona smiled as well, through her tears.

\- I knew deep inside me I didn’t deserve it, but it made me _so_ happy. It was as if the world had stopped spinning right then. I knew that, if you were happy with me being alive, I was happy to be living. I really missed you, Hanna, and I know it sounds extremely selfish but… I feel like this whole dollhouse thing… it wasn’t on vain, you know?

\- Of course it wasn’t. – I rapidly said, getting even closer to her and unconsciously caressing one side of her face with the back of my right hand – The police is following Charles’ footsteps and soon enough he’ll be nothing but a pile of dead meat.

\- Yeah, but, Han, I’m not talking about Charles. I’m talking about this. Us.

   Mona delicately took my hand, that was still sliding carefully along her left cheek. There was something in the way she pronounced that last word, something that made me feel whatever type of affection she seemed to still have for me, and it moved me. I hadn’t thought of Mona and me as an _us_ for a really long time.

\- I know what you mean.

\- I don’t think you do. – she gave me a sweet smile – God, I dreamed of you coming here to see me but I didn’t actually think you would.

   My heart skipped a couple of beats for the third time, maybe, within the last few minutes. Was I really worthy of Mona’s daydreaming?

\- I needed to come and see you. – I said, appreciating the smoothness of my own voice – I needed you to know from me just how brave you were in that place. Like I said before, when I saw you trapped in that hole… nothing had ever caused me so much…

   I paused and closed my eyes as a tear ran down my face. The image of a beyond frightened Mona entered my mind without my consent. We could hear her screaming from a long distance and she started sobbing when she looked up and saw us. _Help me!_ , she kept crying, _God, please, help me!_. Her little face was completely wet from all the tears and there were panic and a teeny bit of hope inside her brown eyes. Part of me simply wanted to jump down that hole and hold her close to me, really, really tight.

\- When I saw you there… – I began again – when I saw just how shaken up you were after we got you out… the first thing I thought was _how dare he?_. Then I realized that the earlier years, the beginning of it, the time when you… had control of it all… it simply looked like nothing. None of it mattered anymore besides your safety.

   A long period of silence followed my small and faltering speech.

\- I am _so_ sorry. – she said very slowly, and the words were heavy, full of almost palpable sorrow. I knew that she was apologizing not only for the previous years, but also for having me so worried about her lately. – If a person could actually die of remorse, that funeral would’ve been real.

   I pulled her to me without even thinking.

\- Mona, don’t say that. For the sake of my mental health, don’t. I saw they carrying that empty casket out of the church. For a moment I _had_ to assume and face that they were going to bury you, and you have no idea how much it hurt. So, please, no more death talk.

   Her muscles gradually relaxed into my embrace and she sighed, sounding incredibly relieved and holding me back tightly. Her skin smelled like glycerin soap as well.

\- This is what I’m talking about. – she said at my right ear – The starving days, the sirens in my fake room, the “being Ali” task, it was all worth it. For this. I love you, Hanna.

   I squeezed her a little more tighter against me, appreciating the feeling of her warm body firmly glued to mine. Her heart was beating along with mine and that felt amazing as well. She was alive. She was completely _alive_ and if I had to thank God for that and start going to the church every Sunday, I would.

\- I know you do. I love you, too.

   After a couple of seconds, Mona grabbed the back of my robe with one hand and sniffed, as if she was trying not to cry. I pulled her gently away from me and faced her attentively. Tiny tears were threatening to escape from the corner of her eyes.

\- What is it? – I asked in a very sweet tone, as if I was talking to a scared child.

   Mona let out a shaky sigh while looking down to her own hands.

\- I feel lonely. Well, at least I was feeling lonely until you came in. So can you stay here with me for a little bit? Like, until, I don’t know. To be honest I would like you to stay forever, but…

\- Hey. – I gently cut her off, smiling as I felt my body getting warmer by the second. She had whispered that request so humbly, so naively that I desperately felt like snuggling with her all night long and keeping the nightmares away (hers and my own). – I’ll stay. Okay? Of course I’ll stay. For as long as you want me to.

   Mona smiled sheepishly but she definitely looked happier.

\- What about Caleb?

   _Caleb_. His name sounded funny to me for a split second, as if I hadn’t thought of him in ages. _Caleb is the last in my priorities list right now_ , I wanted to say.

\- You seem to need me more than he does at the moment – I gave Mona a confident smile. – He will understand.

   The sheepish smile lingered on Mona’s lips.

\- I hope so. I mean, I get that he doesn’t sympathize much with me.

\- Well, that’s where you are wrong – I grabbed her hands gladly once again, happy as if I was going to tell her an exciting news. – He just said to me how impressed he is with all you’ve done.

   Mona bit on her lower lip in a cute nervous way.

\- Impressed good or impressed bad?

\- He called you astute.

Her muscles relaxed and she breathed out through a smile. One more time I could see that she was adorably blushing.

\- Astute is a word commonly used to describe someone who got blindly excited over something, like challenging a bully at school, and that something didn’t end very well.

\- Don’t you get all debate club Mona with me – I teased her. – You know what he meant.

\- I do, but face it, Han, I’m not a hero. If I were, Charles wouldn’t still be out there.

\- Stop it – I gently ran a couple of fingers along her jawline. – If only you knew how much of a hero you are to me…

   I spent a good amount of seconds staring softly at her paled full lips for no particular reason. She seemed to notice it but just sustained her gaze on me and smiled shakily once again, as if she was finally accepting the compliment.

\- I’ll be right back – I abruptly broke out of my short trance.

\- No, please, don’t go.

   She was holding my left hand to prevent me from standing up. My heart melted all at once and I thought of aborting my sudden plan and just staying there with her for the rest of the time I’d spend in that hospital.

\- Oh, no, sweetpea, I mean it. I will be back in no time, I promise. You just count to ten, okay?

\- Okay – she whispered, not seeming very convinced.

   I kissed the back of her left hand and ran out of her room without looking back. My mom was seated beside Caleb in the waiting room and they both looked at me like I was some sort of personified ghost. Emily’s parents were there as well and they also had their gazes on me for a short moment. I felt a bit flustered.

\- Hanna, what in the world are you doing here? – my mom inquired in a low voice.

\- I need your hand hair brush.

   My mom eyed Caleb for a split second and they both frowned.

\- What for?

   I snorted in frustration.

\- What is the only thing I can possibly do with a hair brush, mom?

   She handed me the small object after searching for it in her purse.

\- I don’t want anymore strolling around – she adviced me but I was already running back to Mona’s room.

\- Hi again – I smiled to the petite brunette that was still half laid in the very same position.

\- Nineteen seconds. You’re late.

   I laughed, stopping at her bedside.

\- Sorry, but I went to get this with my mom.

   Mona narrowed her eyes, confused.

\- What is it?

   I opened the little oval thingy revealing the bristles of the small hand brush.

\- Can you sit up for just a sec? – I asked her politely.

   She did so, still seeming curiously confused. I sat behind her and started taking the bobby pins off her hair

\- What are you doing?

   I laughed slightly again, releasing the second braid down.

\- What does it look like I’m doing? I’m gonna brush your hair, silly.

   For a brief moment I wondered if I was crossing the line, or if I was being rude, even, because the truth was I didn’t _know_ if she was in fact _okay_ with me brushing her hair – and she probably already have had enough of people doing things to her without her permission, like braiding her natural her up and forcing her to use a blonde wig, all to pretend to be someone else.

\- Oh, you don’t wanna do that, Han, trust me. I don’t rembember when was the last time I washed it.

   I kept quiet for the next few seconds. We’ve had bathrooms in our fake rooms inside the dollhouse. Charles would tell us whenever it was time to shower. That hadn’t happened every single day we had spent there, obviously, because the great object of that hellhole had been making all of us feel disturbed, mentally and physically.

\- He had you with that thing glued to your scalp since day one? – I asked starting to feel nauseous. For some reason, saying the words out loud made it seem even more inhuman. Mona had said that “Charles had a soul” back when we’ve gotten to his vault, on our last day. Well, he didn’t have one, for sure.

\- No – she answered calmly. – At first I had permission to take it off before showering, but I had to put in on again before getting out of the bathroom. He didn’t want to see me without it. He knew I wasn’t Alison and he knew I knew it too, but it was like this little agreement. I had to put on a show for him.

   _Sick bastard_ , I thought to myself.

\- So… the glue part was some kind of punishment? – I asked carefully. – Because you forgot to put it back on after showering one day?

\- You can’t forget something like that – I had the feeling she was smiling sadly. – But it was my punishment. For helping you guys. I don’t know how, but he knew.

   My heart clenched and I bit hard on my bottom lip to prevent the tears from streaming down my face. _He did that to her because of us_.

\- Remember when you guys woke up on those morgue tables covered with white sheets? – she eyed me from aside. Her voice was lighter now, almost as if she was recalling a sweet memory.

  I nodded, murmuring a _uh-huh_.

\- Before that, there was the incident with that gas – she continued. – He put the gas mask on me and took me to my room. He did nothing to me at first but when I woke up the next morning I couldn’t take the wig off anymore. I found a note on my nightstand that said “Now you can be my favorite all the time”. The “all” was in capital letters.

   I could almost feel the tears that were now inside her eyes, too. I wrapped my arms around her waist, feeling miserable giving all the years I had suspected her and her intentions. That afternoon when she had handed me the chip from Wilden’s computer came to me once again. The way I had rejected her and swept her kind words to a dark corner of my mind. I hadn’t believed her but what else could she have said? What else could she have done? All this time she had been just humbly looking for forgiveness.

\- I am so sorry – I whispered at her left ear, my chin on her shoulder. – I should’ve never doubted you like I did.

\- It’s okay, Han – she slid her fingers along my forearms. – If I were you I honestly would’ve doubted me big time. But it’s over. We’re a team again now, aren’t we?

\- Yes, we are – I kissed her shoulder. – And I promise I will never turn on you again.

   Her back was still leaned on my chest but I knew she was smiling a thank you smile. I resumed undoing her braids and my heart chenched once again when I saw how dry and demaged in general her hair was. I very gently started brushing it from tips to roots.

\- Do you wanna go wash it? – I asked her once I was done, finally recalling that every patient room had a bathroom. They had called our parents before putting us in the ambulances and told them to bring our personal hygiene stuff because there was no way they could know how long we would have to stay at the hospital.

\- Yes – she said in a drawl, as if she was incredibly tired, and of course she was –, but maybe in a few minutes. I’m not quite good to go yet.

   I laughed slightly.

\- I feel you. I was just way too whacked earlier to stand up under that shower on my own two feet as well. That’s why a nurse helped me. Do you want me to help you?

   She seemed to stop for a second and think about the seriousness of my words. Then she finally turned to me.

\- You don’t have to. The nurse that was just here helped me get clean up too. It would really be just about my hair. Just give me a couple more minutes and I’ll do it on my own.

\- Please. I’d rather help you wash your hair than help you get up after slipping on that bathroom. We’ve been injured enough for a lifetime, don’t you think?

   She took a couple more seconds to think and then smiled again, a sweet smile that made me feel even warmer inside. We slow-walked to the small bathroom that had a way too bright lighting. I tried to give Mona a bit of privacy by not looking straight at her while she took her hospital gown off, but I couldn’t help feeling closer to her, maybe as I never had been before.

   She stepped into the shower and lowered her head, almost as if she was embarrassed, and looked at me, the fingers of her both hands not so casually intertwined so they could partly hide what was in between her legs. A normal reaction, for sure.

   I stepped to her right side and turned on the water. Mona quivered ever so slightly and let out a little gasp as it started pouring on her scalp.

\- Are you okay? – I asked, concerned, with my left hand on her right shoulder.

\- It’s cold – she was still trembling, and it seemed as if she was unaccustomed to showering. Also normal.

   Her body gradually relaxed when I started adjusting the water temperature.

\- All better, right? – I asked her, cosily, while slowly stroking her back

\- Uh-huh – she muttered, smiling, and then paused, finally looking directly at me. – Aren’t you gonna take your gown off too? You’re gonna get it all wet if you don’t.

   I looked down to my own covered body, wanting to say I didn’t mind getting it a bit wet, but we were in nothing but a small cubicle separated from the rest of the room by a plastic curtain. If I wasn’t wet already, I was _going_ to get wet no matter what, that is if I actually planned on helping Mona with washing her hair. So how would I explain it to my mother? Or even to the nurses?

\- It’s okay if you don’t want to, though – she said tentatively, in response to my silence. – I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.

\- Uncomfortable? – I laughed slightly. – Well, I honestly feel like nothing out here can make me uncomfortable anymore.

   I leaded my fingers to the back of my gown and untied both of the simple ties, then hanged it on the silver hook that was glued to the wall just on the other side of the curtain. Mona looked away and smiled, as if now she was trying to give me some privacy. It felt kind of natural to be there with her wearing nothing, though, almost even _more_ comfortable, I didn’t know why.

\- Turn around – I softly instructed her, grabbing the bottle of her cocoa shampoo, that was already over the sink, and pouring some onto my left palm. It was a very familiar scent; it had been with her ever since I could remember knowing her.

   She did so and I started lathering her hair as if “rush” was also one of the words I was going to ban from my vocabulary.

\- This feels really good – she whispered, sounding almost sleepy.

\- I know it does – I slid my fingers through her hair in slow motion a couple of times. I would certainly feel in heaven if I were in her shoes. About three weeks without having shampoo lather touching her scalp must’ve been maddening. Well, only not worse than the rest.

   After a quite long moment of calmly stroking her straight brown hair, I moved my hands down to her neck, then to her shoulders, and started massaging them, pressing my thumbs firmly against her skin. The lather and the water worked better than any possible oil or moisturizer. Her head lolled – adorably – a little to the right.

\- You must be cracked still – she voiced, smoothly. – How in the world are you being able to make me not feel cracked?

   I shrugged, even though I knew she couldn’t see it, and smiled.

\- I don’t know. I guess I just wanna compensate you.

   She turned to me almost immediately, which took me a little by surprise, but I didn’t let it show. It was yet amazing how the fact that both of us were naked didn’t make anything seem weird to me. It was just her in front of me, no games, no shame, just kindness. The kindness of the girl I had grown up with, the one that for years I thought was long gone – and I was _so_ glad that she wasn’t. Mona looked at me as if she was comfortable under my gaze and I knew I was comfortable under hers.      Looking deeply inside her light brown eyes let me knowing I truly loved her, and it was like no other love on Earth.

\- I should be the one compensating you.

\- Why?

   She looked down and tangled our fingers.

\- I don’t have them – she raised my forearms so I could see the bruises on my wrists as well. They were fading away now, healing. – Why don’t I have them? Why was it just with you guys? It isn’t fair.

   Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. If someone could hear us, they would probably think Mona was actually jealous of me over something good, like an amount of possible prom dates. But I knew exactly what she meant and wrapped my arms around her.

\- Shhh – I whispered. – I believe everyone had their fair share of traumas down there. All incomparable.

   She held me back and whined.

\- But he kept telling me I was his favorite.

   I began stroking the smooth skin of her back while the water seemed to make our bodies conect even more. Our lack of clothing was making me feel chastly intimate with her, but other than that it was still indifferent to me.

\- It was some kind of twisted psycological bullying in reverse, Mon – I kissed her forehead, not even knowing if that term actually existed. – You don’t have anything to feel guilty for.

   She gave me silence in response and held me a little tighter, which made me close my eyes as a tingling feeling came through me. It was so flattering!

\- I wish we could stay here forever. And I know it’s not good for the environment, but it just feels good hearing the pouring water.

   I laughed slightly. The thought of getting out of there suddenly bummed me. It made me realize how much I missed the sweet Mona, the Mona that had been my best friend since middle school and all through sophomore year.

\- Can you settle for a couple more minutes? Or else your mom, and mine, will come after us.

   She looked up at me and nodded her head, smiling. I glued my back to the wall and the water kept pouring onto hers. Our breathing was in sync. I thought briefly of Caleb. Would he consider this cheating? Could this _be_ consider cheating, like, universally? I mentally denied it. Mona and I needed that moment and it was petty to even think that there was a problem with it.

   We were still motionless wrapped around each other when we heard a knock on the door.

\- Honey? – Leona’s voice sounded, muffled.

   Mona looked up at me again, but she didn’t seem frightened in any way. She kept holding me still. It never stopped being flattering.

\- Yeah, mom? – the girl spoke up. There was never a moment when she seemed to want to let me go.

   Leona took a second to respond.

\- Nothing. I just wanted to check.

\- You should play the lottery – Mona said to me after the older woman was gone.

   I laughed.

\- You do know that she’s gonna start being over protective, right? Just like when you were twelve and she used to only leave when you were safe and sound inside the school building.

\- I know. And I am honestly grateful.           

\- So am I – I kissed her forehead once more and we finally got out of the shower.

   My towel was all the way back in my bathroom, so we shared hers, and again, the thought of it perhaps being slightly weird didn’t even cross my mind. I tied the thin straps on the back of her gown and helped her put on her robe, and then put my own back on. Before I could actually address it, I was back in her room, seated on the edge of her bed.

   Cross-legged on the mattress now, Mona was silently arranging solitaire cards in short vertical rows – a young male nurse had smuggled us a deck. She knew how to play, I didn’t, but I wasn’t paying much attention to what her hands were doing at the moment. My gaze was on the serene and concentrated expression she had on her face. She looked so authentically beautiful with her wet brown hair cascading over her shoulders. I genuinely could not be happier with the fact that she was herself again, not some twisted cosplay of Alison.

\- You’re beautiful – I said, in need of doing it out loud, attentively enough to not put “look” instead of “are”.

\- You shouldn’t say things like that – she replied with her eyes still pinned on her cards.

\- Why not?

   She looked at me after placing a third card face down in the fourth row. I had no idea if she was or wasn’t just doing it randomly.

\- Because when you say things like that my mind goes this place where I think we could actually…

   Mona didn’t finish her sentence, which made my heart skip a couple of beats in curiosity. She looked down again and I could almost see her cheeks going straight from a light tan tone to actual blush red.

\- Actually what? – I insisted. She couldn’t be talking about us being friends again, because we _were_ already back with our friendship, not yet exactly the way it used to be, but still.

   Mona swallowed thickly and kept quiet while still not looking at me. For some reason, what Spencer had said to me on the night after the masquerade ball – junior year _really_ seemed to have happened eons ago – came back to me like a stabbing in my chest.

\- The explanation she gave me in that car was that she did everything because of you, Hanna – my friend had told me. – She blames us for taking you away from her.

   _It’s totally sick but if Mona didn’t really care for me, she wouldn’t have said that_ , was my instant thought, back then and right that moment.

\- Mona… – I began again, hesitant – have you ever had feelings for me?

   There was a tender smile curving her lips when she finally lifted up her head. She looked longly at me before replying.

\- I’ve told you this already, Han. Present tense.

   I hesitated once again and almost every word she had said earlier made perfect sense. _You have just no idea how much that hug and those words meant to me; I would like you to stay forever._

\- _Do_ you?

   She broke eye contact for a brief moment and then shrugged.

\- It doesn’t matter now, does it?

   My heart sank inside my chest. Mona wasn’t denying anything. _Oh, God._

\- How can you say it doesn’t matter? – she didn’t even look at me this time. I waited for a bit and then held both of her wrists, lowering my voice. – Mon?

   When our eyes finally met again, hers were reddish and watery, her lips were trembling. _Now_ she seemed frightened.

\- Sweetie… – I whispered, sliding my fingers from her wrists to her palms. I had no clue on what to say, all I knew was that I wanted to make her feel better, so I rapidly put the cards away and pulled her to my arms. She didn’t hold me as tight.

\- You’re making things worse – she whined in a low voice and I felt her left hand delicately on the center of my back.

\- I’m sorry – I closed my eyes. It hurt hearing the sorrow in her voice. She didn’t want to feel whatever she was feeling. She was worried it might ruin my relationship with Caleb in some way. – I just don’t know what to do with the information, I guess.

   She parted the hug, again without making eye contact.

\- How about pushing it to a dark corner of your mind and never remembering I actually said it?

   I caressed her left cheek, searching for her eyes.

\- That I can’t do and we both know it.

   She still wasn’t looking at me. She seemed to be avoiding the touch of my hand, actually.

\- Mon… – I whispered once more as I saw her moving away until her back was leaned on the pillows. – Don’t do this, please.

\- No, Han, really – she shook her head, saying it almost inaudibly. – I shouldn’t have said it.

   I sighed, starting to feel the tips of my fingers sweaty.

\- For how long? – I asked her, trying to keep a serious tone.

\- It _really_ doesn’t matter – now she actually seemed angry, with herself or with me, even.

   I gave her a minute and got closer when I saw that she wasn’t going to say another word. She had her arms folded to her chest and a harsh expression now. I touched her naked right shin and went up to her thigh, and then to her waist, over her gown. She looked down at my hand and frowned as it was going up.

\- What are you doing?

\- I want to make you laugh – I murmured and poked her ever so slightly on the low part of her stomach with my index finger.

\- Stop it – she held my hand still as if she was actually annoyed, but it didn’t discourage me and I kept tickling her.

\- It’s working, isn’t it? – I started doing it faster until I heard a laugh. And then another one. And before I knew it I was giggling alongside her on the bed.

   It seemed as if she had rejuvenated a few years, as if A had never happened in our lives, as if we were just a couple of thirteen year-olds again. And such feeling was priceless.

\- You sound so beautiful when you laugh – I said, putting a lock of her wet hair behind her ear. Such gesture made me realize that the warmness inside me was increasing significantly. It was like she was looking right through me, trying to figure me out, and I didn’t want her to stop.

\- God, why are you doing this?

\- Don’t know – I shrugged, weakly. It seemed like all the strength I had was being used to look deep inside her eyes. It was overwhelming, so much it hurt, because there was _so much_ in them. It made me remember a fraction of a song that said “it’s a day’s work just to look into your eyes”. – All I know is that I can’t undo it.

   She allowed herself to narrow the distance between us, slowly, and the tip of her nose brushed against mine. She was breathing carefully through slightly parted lips and the fact that I was _glad_ to be taking her sweet breath into my own lungs scared me, but not enough for me to want to stop.

   And then she kissed me, as if it was the most painful thing she had ever done. I didn’t get the chance to fully taste her lips, they just brushed tentatively against mine and when I was finally ready to respond, she was already moving away.

\- Please – I begged her, whispering. – Since when?

   With semi closed eyes, she took a shallow breath.

\- Let’s just say I didn’t give a crap about how much you weighted in middle school.

   That statement alone was heavy, perhaps heavier than any truth someone had ever told me. It felt like a double stabbing in my chest and my eyes filled with what seemed like burning hot tears. _So long ago!_

\- God, Mon… if only I had…

\- It’s okay – she whispered back, resting her right hand on my left side. – Just save it.

   She sounded resigned to whatever she thought I wouldn’t be able to give her back. _If only I had known this sooner_ , I wanted to say, _we wouldn’t have lost five years_.

\- Is there something you want? – I ended up asking after wrapping my left arm around her, feeling mentally and phisically exhausted.

\- Yes – she held me back.

\- What? – I continued with the whispering, feeling that, if I raised my voice, I would start sobbing.

\- Stay with me until I fall asleep.

   I actually managed to smile with such request.

\- Who said you’re gonna be the first one to fall asleep?

   I felt her smiling behind me as well.

\- Just don’t leave me.

   I dared to give her a long kiss just below her earlobe before answering.

\- I won’t. Ever again.

   Somehow, I knew that she wasn’t just talking about that night, and I wanted her to know that I wasn’t either.


End file.
